Relationships: A Mirror Of A Person's Self Esteem

 Relationships can be a mirror of a person's self esteem. Seems a little weird right? But think about it, when a person is in a relationship they put up with certain things and are intolerable of other things. For example, a girl may put up with a guy belching out loud and playing video games all day long. But as soon as he calls her a bitch or says he has feelings for another female, she's gone like a teenage boy who just found out his girlfriend's pregnant. Besides, who wants to be with a male who is disrespectful and not fully committed? OR a guy might put up with a girl who has musty feet and crooked teeth. But as soon as she gets overemotional or "too" jealous, he's gone just as fast (if not faster) than the female I previously mentioned. But can you really blame him? I mean, who really wants to be with an emotional and insecure female? There are also some people who put up with their significant other's hitting them, cheating on them, emotionally abusing them, and even sexually abusing them. Why? Is it because they feel like that's all they are good for? That that's all their worth? Or is it because they have low self esteem and believe that no one else would want them? I guess it depends on the individual.

Now, I understand that relationships are about give and take. Both persons are responsible for the care of the other person's feelings and have to do their part in making a relationship work. This includes sacrificing, biting of the tongue, and letting certain things slide. However; if a person tends to let too many things slide and sacrifices WAY more than the other person, it sometimes makes a person wonder why they are letting so many things slide, why they are sacrificing so much more than the other person, and why they are putting up with abuse. Is it to fill a void or an insecurity, or is it because they feel like they can't do any better?
Now don't get me wrong, relationships can be a beautiful thing. But unhealthy ones can be life threatening. Not just physically, but also emotionally. It's best to end an unhealthy relationship ASAP! Failure or Success of doing so is just another meter of how high or low your self esteem is. If something isn't working out, why hold on to it? If you're iPod dropped in a puddle and died would you keep it? NO! You would throw that one away and buy a brand new model. It's the same thing with relationships. When one doesn't work, get rid of it. Eventually you'll find another one of better quality. However; if you still want to make an unhealthy relationship work, talk to your partner about boundaries, communication methods, and ways to handle conflict that you both can agree on. When a watch is broken you don't immediately throw it away. You take it to a shop to see if it can be fixed. So before you are quick to throw in the towel in a relationship, see if it's mendable and can still make both you and your partner happy.

So before you think you are better than the 'losers' out there, who can't seem to live without a boyfriend or girlfriend, think about your past relationships. Were you always self righteous and confident? Or did your Oprah/Hill Harper alter ego run to the nearest exist? Take a minute to think about that.

Once you've answered these questions, take the necessary steps to do something about it. Better yourself, change, or accept who you are. (Btw, accepting who are you doesn't have to be a bad thing.) You can write in your journal to organize your thoughts and let out emotions. You can talk to a therapist, psychologist, or your local pastor. You can read self help books or just give yourself some 'YOU' time to figure out exactly what you need and who you are. Sometimes we look to other people for answers when the answers are really within us. We just need to build up confidence to trust our instincts.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not trying to bash or insult anyone. I don't think I know everything and I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live their life. I struggle with many of the things I wrote about, so this is my way of helping others and showing people that they are not alone.

Well, I'm going to go to bed now. Hope I helped somebody or at least made someone think. Feel free to drop a comment or an email me. Night Night bloggers!

Until my next post, Be Blessed and make sure your LEGACY is like no other.

*This image was taken from Http://titilope.ca/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/blacklove.jpg*

"Corrective Rape"

Good evening fellow bloggers and bloggets.

Got a letter from UArts today. They were concerned that I didn't contact them when I got my acceptance letter so they would like me to let them know if I will be attending their school in the fall. Since I'm not sure yet, I don't know when they will get my response. Probably never. Lol

On a more serious note, I am doing an 8 to 10 page research paper about same-sex marriage. My 2 page introduction is due tomorrow so I decided to do some research. I found this website called http://gayrights.change.org/and saw a disturbing article. It was about a South African guy who "correctively raped" his lesbian friend to turn her straight. What kind of shit is that? This is one of the many reasons why girls turn gay. If someone wants to be gay, lesbian, bi, or straight that is their choice. LEAVE THEM BE!!!! The sad part about it is that this happens often! But no one really talks about it! If it wasn't for this article, I probably would've never known about this issue. I encourage you all to please read this article and spread the word because hate crimes have to stop! An opinion is an opinion. However, once you put you're opinion into action, things can either get better, get worse, or get ugly. Make sure your actions are positive.


Until my next post, Be Blessed and make sure your LEGACY is like no other.

15 Minute Challenge

Good Evening Bloggers!!!!

Sorry I've been MIA, yet again, but like I said before, I promise I will do better.

On Friday I didn't receive any mail. However; on Friday I was blessed to be a part of one of my local elementary school's Dress For Success Luncheon. One of my mentors, Charleen, is a teacher at the school and asked me to help her out since I was out of school for the rest of the week. I didn't even hesitate because after everything she and my other mentors have done for me, I have to give back. It was so cute. The guys were suits or a shirt and tie. The girls had on skirts and dresses. The guys had to pull out the chairs for the girls so they could sit. I almost cried because really, who do ya'll know that teaches their child to do this for a girl? NOBODY! Anyway, the food was delicious. So much soul food you could feel it in your soul; just the way I like it! :-D
Saturday I received my financial aid package from UArts. Since most likely I'm not going there, I guess it doesn't really matter how much they are giving me. I also attended the NAACP ACT-SO Competition. I sang Yolanda Adams, Open Up My Heart accapella and I did an original poem called Caught in Between. I will find out if I placed next Saturday so keep your fingers crossed.

Today was an interesting day. What happened today proves that you cannot have good shit in the hood. I went to the laundrymat around 11:45 am. Everything is fine and dandy. No arguments, no fighting. Just your normal chaotic day at the laundry matt, since there were only 4 laundry carts. Why you are there only 4 laundry carts you ask? Because some of the local residents steal the carts!!! The carts that people's dirty and clean laundry have been in! Anyway, that's not what happened today. What had happened was, around 2:15 the fire department comes storming in the laundry matt and tells everyone that they are shutting down the driers. Now me being unaware of their reason asked, "how are we suppose to dry our clothes"? This smartass fireman tells me that people's lives are more important than your clothes. The driers are causing carbon monoxide to circulate within the upstairs apartments so we have to shut them down." Now although the fireman was right, how was 'I' suppose to know that was the case? I am not a mind reader nor a resident in that particular building. I mean, seriously, cut me some slack! Thank God I finished my clothes in time because I would have been royally PISSED if I couldn't finish washing my clothes. I felt sorry for people who had 33 minutes to go. Smh! My question is, "why wasn't there an inspection prior to this incident?" I mean, carbon monoxide doesn't just come out of someone's ass. Something has to cause it. There should have been a routine inspection at least once a month, every 2 months, every 3 months, 4 months, etc. If people who have business' in the 'hood took more pride in their establishment and the safety of the local residence, maybe this wouldn't have happened. But hey, you never know.

I also went to a service at my church, where I had to do a poem called Prisoner and I just started my TAP application. Tap is a Tuition Assistance Program for NYS residents. OMG I FUCKKING HATE THAT APPLICATION!!! It was so FUCKING complicated. I hate this fucking college process!!!!! People have assured me that it will get easier as the years go by but it's fucking difficult right now! EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! I hate this shit! Everything is piling up right now. AP Tests are around the corner, I have quarterly exams when my school gets back in session, I have a term paper due in 2 weeks, I have to make sure I finish TAP by May 15, I have to make a final decision about the college I am attending May 1, and I have to keep track of scholarship applications and deadlines. WTF!! I'm so annoyed and stressed out I don't even feel like checking my e-mail half the time or going on FB. I just don't have to energy. All I want to do is go to sleep and not have to worry about shit! But, life isn't like that. So I have to face reality and go on with daily life. -_- (Sigh) Smh.

Well, tomorrow I have to run a few errands, start my introduction for my term paper, review for tests/AP's, and hopefully find some me time.
Bloggers, in the mist of your chaotic life, do you ever find any 'me' time? Not time to catch up on work but time to just do what you want to do? Whether it's watching TV, reading a book, writing a story, reading a magazine, exercising, going out to eat and hang out with your friends you should always find some 'me' time. I once read in a book that everyone should have at least 15 minutes of 'me' time. 15 minutes! It doesn't matter what you do in that time frame as long as you do something you want to do. I challenge everyone to take at least 15 minutes out of their day to do something they want to do for ONE WEEK!!! You can leave me comments everyday to keep record of what you did or you can write it down in a personal journal and tell me about it after a week. Although this challenge isn't mandatory, I encourage you all to give it a shot.

Well, I'm kinda sleep. Night Night bloggers.

Until my next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other.

FREAKIN' STRESSFUL!!!!!!!

HEY BLOGGERS!!!!! MISSED ME???

A lot's been happening lately so I'll try to keep it brief.

St John's and Iona College rejected me, I'm currently trying to stay overnight at SUNY Oswego but that doesn't look so promising, one of the walls in my school collapsed so we don't have school until Monday, and I am currently single... I think that just about covers it.

Oh, nope, that's not all. I just received notice that I have to take a placement/entrance exam for my CUNY schools. This will place me in different courses and it will determine if I accepted to my other schools. GREAT!!!! :-/

I just want to be done with the whole college process already. I still have to do my TAP Form, I still have to apply for scholarships, I have to decide what college I'm going to go to. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! It's to the point where I don't even want to check my email anymore. Hell, I DON'T check my email anymore. I know this is teaching me responsibility and things of that nature but its so FREAKIN' STRESSFUL!!!!!!!

I just have to take a deep breath and push through it.(Sigh)I have to get ready to run to drop off some things for a possible summer employment opportunity. I promise to be more consistent in my posts.

Until my next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other.

Do They Really Exist?

Evening Everyone :-D

I received two letters today; one from UArts and one from Westchester Community College (WCC). UArts informed me of my acceptance into their school, gave me a certificate of my acceptance, and they are going to give me a $12,000 scholarship for four years if I decide to go there. I wonder how my FASFA is going to look. :-D Since I don't want to go to WCC, I didn't even bother opening their letter.

Today was an okay day. Nothing really interesting happened. I went to school, went to the weight room, tutored for 2 hours, got on the bus, and went home. I just finished eating sweet potato pie, spinach, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, and ham. YUM!!!!

Right now I'm currently watching Julie and Julia. The men in this movie surprise me. They almost don't seem real. Julie's husband, Eric, is sweet, successful, thoughtful, and supportive. The only 'bad' thing he did was yell at her and walk out on her when they had an argument. But even then he was right because he got tired of her selfishness. Thankfully, he came back. Paul Child, Julia Child's husband, was great to her. It seemed like he always knew the right thing to say at the right time and what to do to comfort her when she needed it the most. I know it's just a movie, but it's based on a true story.Since it's based on a true story, is it possible for guys to be that caring, comforting, supportive, loving, and faithful? Nowadays guys make girls either stay single, feel like shit, turn lesbian, or become dogs/sluts. And yes, you can be a slut (or a 'ho) if you are a male and a 'dog' if you're a female. No double standards here.

I know females aren't perfect, and no, I am not trying to bash males. I just want to know if guys like Julie and Julia's husbands really exist. I mean, we all have flaws, but to me it seems like Eric and Paul had virtually none.

What do you think bloggers? Do you think a guy can be that great of a person? Or do you think that it was just a movie, and that I shouldn't get my hopes up? Leave a comment if you have one.

Until my next post, Be Blessed and make sure your LEGACY is like no other.

WIll All The Real Adults Please Stand Up???!!!!

Afternoon everyone,

No letter so far. I think my mom left early again so I won't know about any letters until she gets home tonight. However, the teacher from UArts called me and confirmed my acceptance to the college so I should be getting a letter soon; with a scholarship. :-D Overall, today was a good day. It was the first day back from Spring Break and it was surprisingly relaxing. I barely have homework, one of my teachers decided to take an extended vacation, and there was no drama. Well, kinda sort. See, there's this security guard in my school that is overly friendly and too aggressive with the students. She's kind of manly and loves putting her hands on the students. She'll pinch them and tell them to go to class, she'll grab them by the back of their neck, and she'll even call them names to their face. I could understand if they were being rude and disrespectful after she gave the students a warning about going to class. But she usually man handles as she is giving her warning. She even harasses the guys. One of my friends told me that she blew kisses at him a few times. EWWWWWWW!!! But today was the last straw for one of the students. That security guard put her nasty hands on one of my friends and my friend fought back... well, was about to. They were arguing, the security guard was calling my friend names, my friend took off her stuff, the security guard was provoking her to hit her first; it was a hot mess. As soon as I saw things get heated, I picked her stuff up from the floor and walked with her to one of the administrators. Even when my friend was walking away the security guard was still talking smack. SMH! It's amazing how adults can act like children sometimes; bad children at that. (sigh) I can't wait till college. Maybe then things will change. But depending on where I decide to go, things will probably remain the same or get worse.
:-(

I'm going to finish my government homework. Around 7:30 I'll go to Bible Study. I need to get out the house to clear my head and get some Word. Before I end this post, I really wanna know, why do some adults act like children and expect us to obey them? With people like that security guard in my school, grown ass men saggin' their pants down as if their 17 again, and grown women with babies fightin' like they ain't got no damn sense, why would we, as children and youth, listen to them or follow their example? I mean, those are the type of adults we should learn from. We should learn from what they're doing and try our best to be different. Where are the real adults at?? (Sigh) Leave a comment if you have one.

Until my next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other.

Happy Belated Easter

Hey Everybody!

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday. Btw, Happy Belated Easter!!!! I went to church with my friend, Nick, which was cool. He doesn't go to church often so I'm happy he went with me. Unfortunately, we didn't stay long because he had to go somewhere by a certan time and he was my ride. After church I went to go see Why Did I Get Married Too with my boyfriend. It was hilarious, heartfelt, and at one point a bit corny; but it was worth $11.50. I would recommend that everyone go see it because it's relatable in more ways than one. As I was watching the movie, I realized that certain characters reminded me of certan friends. I have a friend who's like Angela, loud, crazy, and a tad bit ghetto. And a friend who's similar to Marqus, Mike, and Gavin. It's fun to have a movie that is relatable. Since it was Sunday, I didn't get any letters.

Today was a good day. I got accepted into City College, spent some time with my boyfriend, and got more of my homework done so I won't have to stress out this week. Well, not stress out as much this week. I also found out I got accepted into UArts. Well, not exactly. See, one of the teachers from the Communications Department called me to tell me about the open house on Saturday. When I told him that most likely I wouldn't be able to make it because I'm not sure if I got accepted yet, he told me that as of Friday I had been accepted. Since I didn't get a letter yet, he told me that he was going to double check and call me tomorrow to notify me if I got accepted. Wow, Philly, PA! HA! I know it sounds weird that I won't visit a college because I haven't been accepted. But my mama doesn't have a car and times are hard. Therefore, it's best if I wait to see who accepts me and who's giving me the best finanical aid. I don't know if I would go there though. I still don't know if that's the field I want to go into. I need to do more exploring. So once again, Utica is lookin' mighty fine right about now. Can't wait to go visit. :-D

Well, I'm gonna try to put the finishing touches on my English homework. It's not due till Thursday but I want to do it now and get it over with. Hopefully I'll be able to go to Bible Study tomorrow because that preacher I was telling you about is suppose be at Youth Bible Study. Or so she told me. We'll see what happens...

Until my next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other. :-D

Just A Regular Day...

Good evening everyone!

I received 2 letters in the mail today; both from Oswego and Utica. I'm happy to get mail from them but dammit what about all my other schools??!!ERRRRR!!! -_- The letter from Oswego was to tell me more about their EOP Program and about their summer requirements. The letter from Utica was a confirmation letter about me and my mother visiting.

(Sigh)

Today was a regular day. Woke up around 11 o clock, read The Narrative of Frederick Douglass, did my laundry, and got some great food from Kennedy Fried Chicken. At the laundry matt, the owner turned the radio station to Kiss FM and I was JA-MIN!! Lol. During one of the commercials however; the announcer introduced Angie Stone as the First Lady of Soul... Mmmh. Angie Stone is a good singer and all but I don't think about that title. What do ya'll think? Angie Stone, First Lady of Soul? Ehhhhhhhh.... I don't know.
When I went to Kennedy's this random guy starts talking to me about his day. Apparently, the guy's cousin ruined his Easter because he had to bail him out of jail with the money he was going to use to buy Easter dinner. Now although that's sad, why did I need to know that? I mean, I know that people have to vent every now and again but that's what friends are for. Everyone has at least 1 person they can call when they need to get stuff off their chest so why did I, a complete stranger, need to be the one he shares this information with? (Shrugging my shoulders) Maybe there's something about me. Has that ever happened to you? Some random stranger starts talking to you about their day and/or problems? Leave a comment if you want to share your experience.

Well, I'm about to eat some cookies and milk, finish typing up some of my homework for English, watch a little TV, then go to bed. I'm debating whether or not I should go to church tomorrow... Eh, I'll see how I feel in the morning.

Until the next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other.

Night Bloggers!!!

Good Friday Service

Hey everyone!

It's 1:30 in the morning and I just got back in the house around 12:45pm. I had a great time at my youth ministry’s Good Friday Service. I recieved compliments on my monologue, I did a poem that the crowd seemed to enjoy, I had some great food, and the sermon was down to earth and relatable. The preacher for the evening, by the way, looked nothing like a preacher. She was beautiful, sexy, confident, and fly. Take it from me male bloggers, if you saw her out on the street you would either stop and stare or try to holla. My boyfriend couldn't even stop himself from sayin’, Damn, she’s bad. And honestly, I can't blame him. Besides her beauty, her sermon was on point. It was about finding your purpose; how the sinful things we do can cloud our vision and prevent us from fulfilling the purpose that God has for us. Our sin could be lying, stealing, smoking weed, having sex before marriage... anything that is not positive or not of God's work can block our blessings and take us away from what God wants us to do. She even spoke about friends and family holding us back and convincing us that we are not only nothing but are also incapable of achieving our goals. At the end of her sermon she everyone who wanted pray and to know their purpose more clearly to come up to the stage, since we were in the fellowship hall, so she could pray for them and with them. About 5 or 6 people went up to her. She asked the congregation to hold out their right hands and pray with her for those who came up. Although I reached my right hand out to pray for them, I was also praying for myself. I don't know my purpose and it sucks because people around me know that they want to be doctors, teachers, lawyers, criminologists, and lobbyists. People are telling me not to worry, that I have time to figure it out and I'll probably find my niche in college. But, honestly, I want to know now. Knowing now can possibly prepare me for college and the profession I want to go into. But as the old saying goes, everything happens for a reason. Maybe I know and just don't realize it yet. Or maybe I'm not meant to know yet because God feels that it's not the right time to reveal it to me. Or maybe I just don't know. Lol. Besides, most of my friends may change their major in college anyway. And since I’m undecided, I'll have a little more fun in college because I get to explore different majors. However, by my sophomore year, in some schools my junior year, I'm going to have to make a firm decision about what I’ll major in and what I want to do with my life.

Speaking of college, I received a letter from SUNY Geneseo today. I say today because my mother left early to go to work so I had to wait until I came home from church to get the mail. They rejected me from their EOP, Educational Opportunity Program, program because my GPA was too high. SUNY's EOP Program is a program that gives financially and academically disadvantaged kids a chance to go to college. In other words; if you're smart and broke, too bad. If your rich and dumb, sorry for you. You have to have both in order to qualify. But then again, Oswego accepted me in their EOP Program and I have over a 3.0. So I guess it depends on the SUNY. However, the told me that

I qualify for their TOP (]Transitional Opportunity Program, program, which is designed to provide NYS students who are traditionally under-represented on their campus the opportunity of enrolling in their four year college program.

GREAT!!! :-/ They didn't tell me if I was accepted or not so once again, I have to wait. But such is life. Good things come to those who wait right?

Anyway, I'm calling it a morning. I'm going to put on my PJ's, eat some grapes, and then go to bed. Hopefully I'll get more work done when I wake up, do my laundry and go see Why Did I Get Married Too with my boyfriend.
Btw, what do you think your purpose is? Or are you just as unsure as me? Leave a comment when you get a chance.

Until my next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other...

My Financial Aid Packages

Morning bloggers! It's exactly 8:57 am and I'm wired. Lol.

Yesterday I received my financial aid package from Oswego and Utica College. Oswego is giving me 9,863 for both the fall and Spring Semester so in total that's about 19,726 for a year. Their total fixed cost counting their tuition, Room and Board, Additional Charges, and Fixed Fees is $17,244. That sounds good and all, but they are giving me THREEE loans. Although that's less than the amount most people get in loans, Utica is only giving me TWO loans. They are giving me $16,483 for both the Fall and Spring Semester, which amounts to $32,966 for my first year. Their estimated total fixed cost counting tuition, required fees, room and board, and transition fees is $40,270. If I minus my financial aid excluding Federal Work Study, which is $30,866. The estimated amount I would owe Utica for the year would be $9,404. Not that bad right? At this point, it seems like Utica is offering me more financial aid. When I visit the college the week after next, I'll see if I can see myself there for the next 4 years of my life.

Today is the big day! My church is holding their Good Friday Service at my high school @ 7pm, and the youth ministry is holding our Good Friday Service at our church @ 10pm. There's going to be free food and a play so if you know where I live and what church I go to, stop by and see what's up. It's better than staying home right? Send me an e-mail if you need the address.

Well, I'm going to get started on more of my homework, eat some breakfast, and send one of my fellow seniors a poem to put in the yearbook. Hopefully I will receive more mail from colleges today and do my thing in the play at church. Oh yeah, I'm opening up the play with a monologue! :-D
While I fix my breakfast and get started on my homework, keep being blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other...

Happy April Fools Day ;-D

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!

It's 6:02 in the morning and I can't seem to fall asleep. Yesterday I successfully ran my errands. I got my poem notarized and mailed it off to the NAACP ACTSO Competition and I even inquired about a job. Unfortunately, I had no success in the latter. :-(

On my way home I stopped by a friend's house. She's about to turn 16 and is expecting a baby in May. Although I'm happy for her, I'm kinda scared for her; and so is she. She is going to do natural child birth (YIKES!!!!) and she's also going to be responsible for someone other than herself. That’s a scary reality. Thank God the baby father didn't up and leave so at least she's not doing it all by herself.. at least for now. Now don't get me wrong, I hope they stay together. But essentially if he wanted to leave, he could! And she, inevitably, would be stuck with the baby all by herself with the help of her family, hopefully. Some may argue that stating the possibility of a guy leaving is inviting him to do so, but honestly, if a guy wants to leave, you can’t force him to stay. Hence why there are so many single mothers out there today.

It's situations like this that makes me wonder how God works. There are so many people having sex that are not getting pregnant or worse, getting STD's. Like, what makes one person more blessed or lucky than another person? A child can be a blessing in more ways than one but an STD...(Tsk) Not so sure. But then again, it's all how you look at it. A baby or an STD can make you grow up or mature faster. You’re being force to take care of yourself better than you normally would and you now have to think about others before you choose to do something. But like I said before, that's just one way of looking at it.

Of course I am not an expert in matters such as these. I'm just a girl, well, a young woman, giving my own personal thoughts and opinions about the issue at hand. So, how do you feel about it bloggers? Feel free to leave your comments and thoughts about anything I’ve said or about teen pregnancy.

Well, I'm going to try to fall back asleep until it’s time for me to go shopping with my mom. Until the next post, be blessed and make sure your legacy is like no other…